Other-Focused Listening: Listening to Understand, Not to Respond

Courage Museum • Brave Space • Other-Focused Listening: Listening to Understand, Not to Respond

Build Belonging

Other-Focused Listening: Listening to Understand, Not to Respond

By WestEd + Courage Museum
Published August 2025

Information

From the Exhibit: Empathy Mirrors, See Your Courage, Activating Courage

Time to complete: 40-50 minutes

Intensity Level: Medium

Facilitation Level: Some Facilitation (requires clear modeling)

Materials: Timer; reflection sheets or paper; optional listening role cards

Audience

Recommended Grade Level(s): 9-12

Pairs with whole-class reflection

Purpose

To help students practice listening with attention, curiosity, and restraint, shifting from preparing a response to genuinely understanding another person’s perspective.

Intended Outcomes

Students will be able to:

Experience how listening builds connection and trust
Distinguish between listening to respond and listening to understand
Practice paraphrasing and reflecting another person’s perspective
Notice internal reactions without interrupting

Facilitation Guide

Pre-Work: Framing Listening (5-10 minutes):

Ask students: ”What does it mean to really listen to someone?”
List responses
Then introduce two types of listening:
- Listening to Respond
  - Preparing your reply
  - Thinking about your own experience
  - Interrupting or redirecting
- Listening to Understand
  - Staying curious
  - Paraphrasing
  - Suspending judgment
  - Letting silence happen
- Emphasize: “Listening is an active skill, not a passive one.”

Modeling (5 minutes)

Model a short example with a volunteer or scripted example:
Speaker shares for 30 seconds.
- Listener:
  - Maintains eye contact
  - Does not interrupt
  - Paraphrases what they heard
Ask class: “What did you notice about the listener?”

Core Activity: Paired Listening Practice (15-20 minutes)

Students pair up
- Round 1:
  - Speaker talks for 2 minutes about a neutral topic (examples below)
  - Listener may not interrupt
  - After 2 minutes, listener paraphrases what they heard

Possible prompts:
- A challenge of learning something new
- A place where you feel comfortable
- Something you care about

Switch roles and repeat
Rule: The listener cannot give advice or share their own story during the paraphrase

Reflection Discussion (10-15 minutes)

Ask:
- “How did it feel to be truly listened to?”
- “How did it feel to only listen?”
- “What was hardest about not responding immediately?”
- “When might this skill be especially important?”
Reinforce: Listening slows conflict and builds understanding

Reflection & Closing (5 minutes)

Students complete an exit reflection:
- “One listening skill I want to practice more is…”
- “One situation where I can use other-focused listening is…”

Educator Support

Facilitation Tips
- Choose emotionally neutral prompts unless group is ready for deeper topics
- Reinforce that silence is not awkward
- Intervene gently if listeners shift into advice-giving

Differentiation
- Provide sentence starters for paraphrasing:
  - “What I hear you saying is…”
  - “It sounds like…”
- Allow written paraphrasing if verbal reflection is difficult

Assessment
- Quality of paraphrasing
- Ability to reflect key themes
Exit reflections

School Support
- This activity is low-intensity and generally does not require additional support

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